A friend of mine just died a couple of weeks ago, I just want to write something nice about him because he is a good friend. Unfortunately, I just realized that I adore him as he is when it is too late. If I were you, I would find this writing is overrated and cheesy. But since it is my writing, so… I just miss my friend.

Hey! Have I ever told you that I don’t even wanna know your name at our first meeting in that small group?

How can I ever be in your contact list?

Why are you being so nice to me all the time? While I always put a cynical gaze at you when you talk about a pearl of made-up wisdom… lol.

Sleek hair with that “Pompadour” style.

Neat shirt, fancy motorcycle, fancy lifestyle

Your smooth and well-mannered talks.

Dang! You are so flamboyant, just a kind of guy that I most definitely AVOID.

But now…. it is ironic that when you are leaving this world... I still thinking about you.

You are not my lover, not my best friend, not anything that everyone could imagine.

You are just a guy who always been nice to me, making my experiences in college feels… interesting.

I did not even have any desire to be on board on anything in college at first...

But suddenly, you just came by with all your goofy friends and opened up a wishy-washy discussion about life in college, and made me decided to join all of those ambitious things.

You are the one who encourages me to become the leader of a team, like a hundred students in it. While you were my rival who is way more competent than me, obviously…

You are the one who makes me joined those gigantic organization, just because you thought that my energetic figure is fit and I can unleash my potential in there… *I still have no idea what kind of potential that he meant.

You are the one… who makes a very fascinating farewell on my last day in the S-mall town, gathering all of the acquaintances just to have fun.. for me. And then you… dropped me at the airport, said goodbye, made a promise to have a camping-get-together with our friends, bought my mom’s favourite food… like, damn, you!

I’ve told you to put yourself first, rest well, keep up with a healthy lifestyle, do not force yourself in unnecessary events when you’re tired, etc…

But you still wanna make time for everyone who needed you…

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -

Airport, that was the last place I… hold your palm tightly. We shook our hands while I captured your appearance clearly through my eyes. I saw your eyes was a little bit red-ish, cause we just spent a night for a farewell-get-together without a proper sleep and tipsy.

I gave you a can of beer that you shouldn’t drink because it consists of a lot of sugar. I apologize for that. I apologize that I haven’t had a chance to give you something nice too. Instead… I only gave you a can of beer.

This morning I just realized some flashy memories back in college, like “OMG you were there!”:

We were on the same team with Aul too. We introduced ourselves and discussed our team name, you just calm in silence, observing our discussion, and you came up with our team named “Gus Dur”.

We were going to have an organizational event in Wonogiri, and you asked me “Lo sama siapa Ra? Udah bareng gue aja biar aman..”

You bought most of my Tahu Bakso for my project fund…

You are the only person who helped me right away when I slipped into the sewer outside that BEM office, carried me in public… LOL, it was embarrassing. But you made sure that I’m alright.

You brought me to Sate Pak Manto out of the blue and then we had a feast just two of us, but you ended up treat me and forced me to bring the leftovers so I can eat it at night.

We enjoyed our favourite bands in those live concerts and had a crazy karaoke party with our friends, lol it was WILD! And you covered me up so I wouldn’t get hurt by those crazy crowds.

We had a joke about the government, ideologies, and your jokes got my cringeworthy-labelled cause it’s simply a trashy! Lol.

I called you in the middle of the night when I suddenly had a panic attack, I was scared to death about my future, career, and death…

You told me that it is alright, just vent it out…

I forgot the rest conversations, but I remember it clearly that you’re just there, on the phone, listening all bullshits I’ve said.

God... You’re just freaking too good to be true.

It is not only me, everyone in your circle has a lot of extraordinary experiences with you in it.

Because you always initiate to make memories with all of us.


Man... I miss you. Everyone does too. We all miss you so much…

All of us find it is a hard time to let you go in peace...

We can’t help to imagine your existence on earth and sometimes we just wanna be in blue about the fact that you’re gone. Once again, I apologize for that.

Probably not now, but surely we are going to be okay without your existence in here.

You left us with a ton of lovely memories and a chain of friendship that we’re gonna hold up to…

And for me, I owe you a promise, to live a good life and make some projects that can contribute anything necessary for others.

I aspire to have your great gesture in friendship,

your enthusiastic spirit in activism,

and relentless altruistic.

Thank you for your love, to all of us!

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” — C.S. Lewis

“A friend is a loved one who awakens your life, to free the wild possibilities within you.” — John O’Donohue




Asking.Adapting. Surviving.

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